Below is a transcription of episode 12 from Rearing Children.
On the 24th of December 2022, I was really looking forward to getting the book Sacred Woman by Queen Afua. I’ve been saying I’m going to read this book for years, but it wasn’t until a group of women in a book club picked this book that led me to thinking it’s time.
While in Target, I suddenly remembered that there was another book on my mind. I went online to see if it was available at Target (since I was already there) and was so excited to see How To Meet Yourself there. So there I was deciphering on which book to get because I was only going to get one.
So I thought, “Just because they’re reading it, it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s time for me.”
I flipped through the pages of How To Meet Yourself and knew it was the right book for me at this time.
So I got it and let me tell you. On day one:
God was like: “Do you really want to meet yourself?”
It was an emotionally stirring day!
As soon as I got in the car, I started reading. and I never made it off of the first page.
Then, I received a call from my father, which sparked the trials of the day.
Following the conversation, my mother asked the question: When are you going to stop living in the past?
The answer to that question is: I’m not living in the past, but I have to go back to the past in order to be present. If I don’t address some of the things from my past, then I will continue to have some of the same patterns in my life. I’m not trying to make the same mistakes, so I do need to acknowledge some things from my past.
In the midst of having two disagreements with my parents, I saw a previous associate of my mother and godmother, then a previous dear friend of mine from high school.
So many parrallels and huge signs of reflection and transition from seeing them.
Y’all all of this was happening at an outlet mall. A hot mess.
Then, I couldnt remember where my mother parked the car. So I got lost, started crying, my husband called me and helped me come back down. I was still furious and highly upset, I got back in the car after crying, read the first page again, but stopped at this statement:
“The reality is, most of who you are and what you do is determined by your past, not by your conscious choices today.”
Y’all you can’t tell me God doesn’t talk to me. I am connected to and with Allah and I am so thankful.
Let’s read the statement again:
“The reality is, most of who you are and what you do is determined by your past, not by your conscious choices today.”
So when I reflect on how I currently feel and think, it has to do with the decisions I made in the past. Also, some of that has everything to do with the decisions my family made. Generation to generation we live our lives through choices before we were conceived.
I’m not going to get too deep into this…
Our past shapes our present.
Don’t allow anyone to try to make you feel guilty for bringing up the past. If you’re striving to process something, bring up the past to help you get through it, if that’s helpful for you. Don’t stay in the past and certainly don’t live in the past.
Closing with words from How To Meet Yourself:
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF CHANGE
How To Meet Yourself, The Workbook for Self-Discovery
“Though our habit self can keep us stuck in old patterns that may not reflect our true Self, the good news is that repeating the past doesn’t have to be our destiny. The brain is not a static, inflexible organ but can change throughout the course.of our lives, a quality known as neuroplasticity/In 1968, neuroscientist Bruce McEwen discovered that although stress changes. the structure of the brain and can even cause shrinkage in certain areas, this impact was not always permanent. In fact, as he revealed, our brain has the ability to continually rewire itself by creating new neural connections, or synapses, over time. This finding proved for the first time that the adult brain was plastic or changeable, contrary to prior belief that it operated more like a computer with a set program.
Our brain is constantly rewiring itself by strengthening the frequently used synapses and neural networks, and pruning, or eliminating, the ones used less often. The thoughts and actions we repeat over and over each day make some synapses stronger, while other synapses weaken, leaving most adults with about half the neural connections they had in childhood.
Think about your own life. You’ve likely thought the same thoughts, recycled the same feel-ings, and continued the same behaviors countless times. By doing this, you’ve created pathways within your brain that have resulted in your present-day neurological structure. This neurological structure influences how you experience everything in your life. Thankfully, we have influence over our brain and its neural development, and we can engage in daily intentional practices to improve our brain’s ability to grow new neural connections.”
by Dr. Nicole LePera, The Holisitic Psychologist
pages 33-34
One of my intentional practices happens to be addressing and analyzing the past. I probably wouldn’t have to go back to the past as much, if my loved ones helped me process “things” as they were happening.
So what do you think about the statement, “our past shapes our future”?
