“Do we want to get the milk to stop the baby from crying?”, asked by my eight year brother. My mother replied with “Destiny is the milk.”
I choose to breastfeed because I understand it’s the best long term nutrition for my baby that will affect her eating habits and health for the rest of her life. I know that breastfeeding is helping me to heal during my postpartum recovery. Last, it’s allowing my baby girl and I to bond. Initially after the delivery, I wasn’t able to do much for my child, I could barely hold her and it felt as if nursing her was all that I could offer. So now, I no longer want to pump because I want to cherish this way of nurturing her that felt as if it was being taking away at the time of her birth.
As a first-time parent, I was looking forward to my baby crawling up my linea nigra after coming out of the womb and then her initiating breastfeeding when she was ready. Or for us to engage in skin-to-skin. But due to having an internal second degree laceration, my husband (her father) was the first to take on skin-to-skin. We didn’t start breastfeeding until I reached the postpartum recovery room. And if you would have told me that I would fall asleep during the first feeding, I would’ve told you that’s not going to happen. I imagined soaking in the first feeding, but the labor to bring on her delivery was intense. I was exhausted and lightheaded from the lack of sleep leading up to the birth. So after laying down, even while holding her for the first time, I couldn’t stay awake with limited strength.
Now we breastfeed with her being the one to fall asleep, plus I have the opportunity to watch and speak with her. I enjoy observing her because there’s so much to learn about us. I knew it wasn’t going to be simple, but I didn’t know it’s about energy and technique. The baby doesn’t just go on the boob. It is spiritual and the latch is the most important. Although, my baby immediately latched on properly during the first feeding, I still help with getting her to open her mouth. I remind her that I’m not a pacifier and that it’s not okay to be an aggressive eater. I let her know that it’s better to nurse when she’s calm, otherwise mommy is in pain and most likely she’s not eating anyway. When she’s emotional and on my boob, she tends to pull and tug on the nipple. I let her know it’s unacceptable. Her agitation gives me cues that her diaper may be full (that she’s about to poop) or that she’s beyond tired and needs extra love to be comforted to sleep (and it’s not time for mothers milk). But speaking of needing to be comforted, at five weeks she started to comfort nurse (use me as a pacifier) and I don’t know how I feel about that, but most importantly is I want her to feel secure and supported.
Breastfeeding is extending our bond from the womb and it’s teaching us how to communicate with one another. Breastfeeding my babygirl reassures how much I love her. It shows me that I will go out of my way to give her everything she needs and that I will strive to give her what she wants in the process. This is beyond breastfeeding, it’s about me taking care of my baby for the rest of her life. This just reinforces that this is what I want to do for her. Breastfeeding is teaching me how to be a mom and preparing me to do for her even when I’m not ready because I am on-call for the rest of my life.
There’s a lot that I’m learning, but why didn’t anyone tell me…
- about the contractions feeling intense? I knew about the contractions, but I didn’t know that they would still hurt. Once the contractions ended, I still occasionally feel stings.
- my nipple and the areola would sting sometimes?
- my food and tea would get cold sometimes? Sometimes I eat while my baby is eating or lying in my arms, but it’s not always easy and there have been times that I’ve dropped food on her.
- to wait on getting breast pumps, unless they’re free? I didn’t realize that I wouldn’t want to pump. Despite the discomfort and sleepless feedings, I’m committed and attached to the point of my baby exclusively breastfeeding. If I pump, that would still count as exclusive breastfeeding, but as of now I’m just not interested in pumping. I asked for an expensive breast pump and planned to pump at four weeks, but as of now I feel as if that money will go to waste. But I will see how I feel at six months (when she’s eating solid foods, coupled with breastmilk).
- the latch sting? My gosh! Are you all serious? How could you not tell an expecting mom about the sting? For those who aren’t aware, when the baby first latches on, it stings. Not all of the time, but in most cases it stings for that second (if your baby latches on properly) and then the pain is released. At five weeks that sting no longer exists. Now, it only stings when she’s nursing for comfort or have been feeding on me for over an hour.
Although I feel as if there were some key points that weren’t mentioned to me, I feel supported. I had family with me full-time for my first three weeks of postpartum. That helped tremendously because I was able to feed her and then ask my family to hold her afterwards when it didn’t result in her taking a nap. My loved ones ensure I am fed (from cooking, grocery shopping, buying prepared meals, keeping snacks and water in my nook, etc.), so I can have the energy to feed my baby. This has been the number one form of support, especially since I haven’t been able to cook or shop for myself, due to not being able to stand for long periods of time.
Yes, we need support from those who can and will properly care for us, but we also need to continue taking supplements. Everything I took during my prenatal stage, I’m continuing to take because they are also for the postnatal period and I feel as if they’re giving me the energy I need. I’ve also recently started taking our placenta in capsule form.
- Mary Ruth’s Prenatal & Postnatal Liquid Multivitamin
- I started taking this at the end of my second trimester and preferred this over my first choice. Liquid form gets in the blood quicker and seems to digest and work better.
- Mary Ruth’s Prenatal & Postnatal Liquid Iron
- My iron was low throughout my pregnancy, so I needed to take this supplement in liquid form. I recommend every woman to start taking an iron supplement if they are working towards conceiving. Babies take what they need from the mother and if the mother isn’t getting everything she needs, she will lack in vital areas. Iron levels are very important and can be a sign of having a safe delivery or indicate if the mother will experience excessive bleeding.
Along with taking supplements, eating is very important. Nutrition is always important, but I learned more about my relationship with food and my body, while pregnant. Now I’m learning more with my baby. I did not eat the best while carrying her, but now have an appetite to eat healthy and return to some of my ways prior to conception. I think it’s about more than just eating, but reestablishing healthy habits and adjusting for the needs of our body. What I eat now is forming what my baby will eat once solids are introduced. I’m doing my best to drink water, coconut water, and Mother’s Milk tea.
I’ve tried using a breastfeeding support pillow when she was smaller, but it was in our way. I recently put a pillow under her and it was very helpful , so I think I’ll reintroduce the pillow now that my baby has gained weight.
The cradle position and side sleeping are the easiest for us. We did the football position a few times, but it’s not our favorite. She enjoys being free and I desire to give my baby freedom. We are currently side sleepers. It helps us the most with going straight to sleep and being able to switch sides when needed, instead of getting in and out of the bed to get her out of the bassinet. Side sleeping is also helping with my postpartum recovery because I’m currently having trouble sitting up. Some nights my husband cuddles me and my baby pulls on the boob. At times I’m like this is too much, can I have one side free? However, I love them both and don’t want them to be far; I’d rather them breathe all over me because these moments don’t last forever.
Even with all of the support I have, I still must ensure that I am loving on myself. While taking care of my baby and breastfeeding, I’m also being mindful of how I’m doing mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Working on the things I love to do and can while being bedridden helps to keep me sane. Sleeping while she sleeps allows me to be ready and present for my on-call shift when she demands. Talking through (better yet texting) my breastfeeding experiences with other mommies who are currently breastfeeding is really assuring and gives me the confidence I need. The fact that there are others who relate to what baby and I are experiencing gives me the boost I need and it lets me know that the way I’m navigating through my emotions and day-to-day motions are actually sane for early postpartum.
Breastfeeding isn’t easy, but a lot of things will be down the line because of my choice to have my baby naturally nursing from my body. Breastfeeding is vital and I agree to do this for two years. Bleeding, chapped, and stinging, I still dedicate my boobs to my baby on-call to feed and nurture her.
What is the legacy of Black breastfeeding and how are you upholding it in your personal life?
I didn’t grow up watching mothers breastfeed their child(ren). Instead I was familiar with the bottle and formula. My brother is an example of children seeing babies receive formula. Although he was breastfed, he does not see breastfeeding as normal. I think children should be familiar with what God intends and not what we’ve accepted from this world. Thank God for alternatives. If you can’t breastfeed there are other options, but I do not promote formula. It’s not healthy for babies or cost effective. I wasn’t breastfed, but I’m breaking that cycle. I know the benefits and want to share this way with families throughout the world. To me what God demands of us is the Black legacy and I’ve decided to give that to my baby.
