In the month of May we observed Mother’s Day and Mental Health Awareness. As a trained doula with Mama Glow, the themes that are currently being reflected on are rebirth, vulnerability, and self-care. So I’m here holding space for self before I extend myself to you.
rebirth: a renewed existence (according to dictionary.com)
vulnerability: willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weakness to be seen or known (according to dictionary.com)
self-care: 1. the act of attending to one’s physical or mental health, generally without medical or other professional consultation (often used attributively) 2. the products or practices used to comfort or soothe oneself
Before I begin sharing on the three themes, I want to acknowledge that I always have room for improvement in these three areas, as it pertains to the themes, but I give myself grace because I am aware of where I’m at.
How is self-care a vital part of your mental health practice?
Self-care is a vital part of my mental health practice and it all starts with awareness and accountability. To me being aware of self is important because someone can express to you how they see you from their perspective, but we may not always receive it if we’re not in a space where we are conscious of how we’re showing up. I think being present is one of the most important things to be mindful of and that creates the space for earthing (grounding) and awareness to take place mentally.
Therefore, I check-in with how I’m feeling and why I react in the ways that I do countless times throughout the day, mostly in the form of silence and occasionally in the form of writing. I used to write everyday in the morning and evening (and sometimes throughout the day, as I would have moments of selah).
How did a period of rebirth change the course of your life?
Prior to marriage, I was certain or who I was and what I needed. Today, some of how I defined myself and those needs are still true. However, two weeks after saying, “I do”, I felt a shift and in that moment I completely lost myself. I was a Chicago girl who moved away from her family to be with her husband and start a new journey. But I hadn’t realized that I was going to feel out of my body and very frankly out of my mind. Truth is I was out of that body and mind because within that two-week time span, I had been rebirthed.
The problem is when we enter a new cycle, we have to be ready to drop some luggage off and accept the new bags that come with the rebirth. I wasn’t ready, but this time after watching the signs and witnessing what it was and has been like during that period of my life, now I’m preparing myself for this next chapter (honestly my next book), my new rebirth—motherhood.
How is motherhood a rebirth?
Motherhood is a rebirth because it’s a new stage (and in my eyes) a level up in the development of being a woman (or Allah’s {God’s} girl). Someone even congratulated me on being promoted to mommy. I felt like that message in itself was and is an honor. So far throughout this pregnancy, motherhood has taught me that I’m redefining how I show up as a woman and honestly, I’m still trying to figure out what it looks like to be a wife. I feel it every time I hear Beyonce sing, “Tryin’ to be a good wife. Still really hard, I can’t lie…” NO LIES. It’s hard. Stepping into my promotion of motherhood, I can feel my entire being being made new and I feel my thought process changing because it’s no longer about me (to keep it real it hasn’t been for two years) and now it’s no longer just about us (my husband and I), “But I promised you I will fight, so I fight”. In this rebirth, I choose to be a friend to self, Allah’s (God’s) girl, a friend and lover to my husband, and now to be a mother. So in this, I’m being refined, which is producing a rebirth that started the moment I found out I was carrying physical life in my womb and when my baby is birthed, I will be rebirthed.
How can we lead by example to encourage our children to see vulnerability as a source of strength?
Throughout my pregnancy, I have been talking with my baby. Baby is experiencing everything I am, so it’s only right that I speak directly to baby to make it clear that I acknowledge the relationship in the womb (whether I take take an active role or not) and to let my child know that vulnerability is a source of strength and that we can be vulnerable together. I make it known that we’re a team right now. I know the communication is helping to form a beautiful bond because baby responds to what I say and when baby’s name is called baby responds to mommy. It’s precious.
How do you recommend mothers prioritize their own mental health while parenting?
I recommend mothers to prioritize their own mental health prior to conceiving, so that they can be in a sane space (as sane as possible in this world) to cultivate healthy character traits and beliefs into baby. Parenting begins prior to conception and mothers are always carrying life. Then, the moment that mothers know that they are with child, I recommend them to limit who they communicate with and who they spend their time around because baby is intaking all of that. Prior to baby making it earthside in this physical world, I encourage mothers to have a plan with their partner and that they communicate some of the essentials with others that they approve of being around the baby. I think that if self-care/mental health is practiced prior to the child arriving that they will implement and learn what’s best when baby arrives. Ultimately, it’s about taking care of self, setting boundaries, communicating your needs, and teaching people how to treat you. The fact that mothers are being rebirthed means that the type of care and treatment that was needed before may not be the same today. So I think it’s important for everyone around the mother to flex for her, as well.
Mothering the Mother: What does Postpartum Doula Support Look Like in your work?
Prior to experiencing pregnancy, I supported mothers with preparing a postpartum plan (food, visits, maternal clothes/toiletries, breastfeeding, plus more) and talked with them throughout their postpartum period every few weeks. Currently, I meet with a mother at least once a week and at this point, we offer another form of support and gage how we’re both doing. We are a support for another, but I plan to carry the practice of meeting with mothers in a variety of ways 1) weekly and then transitioning into biweekly and then monthly because the journey of motherhood moves so fast and emotions can overwhelmingly be at an all time high. 2) Or focusing on visiting the mother once a week for a month and then discuss how often she would like for me to be involved with her care during her postpartum period. Also during the planning/prenatal period, I see it vital to access how she’s doing mentally and support her with arranging the mental care that she needs to aid with the transition of the rebirth.
Why did you become a doula?
I became a doula because I care deeply about women and understand that birthwork is so important for nation building. Mothers are the first teacher, nurse, and so much more. This work is reforming and revolutionary. Today, I understand what mothers need better than what I did and how I can better serve now that I’m currently experiencing pregnancy. I can now speak from experience (when asked or necessary) because I really relate to mothers, not because I am a woman, but because I too am a mother and know now more than ever of what we need even when it’s hard to articulate it.
